Monday, July 31, 2006

Question Of the Day

Can married people have friends of the opposite sex?

A few weeks ago an old (male) friend of mine moved back to the city. We stay in touch sporadically through email, but I haven't seen him for a couple of years. He suggested we get together for coffee. Simple enough.
The strange thing is, I felt like I should ask permission from Charming Husband. It was an odd feeling. And entirely my own. CH does not require me to screen my activities through him in any way.
As a single person I would have been appalled at myself. Of course you can have male friends, especially old ones that predate your current relationship. There is no secret crush or longing or even any physical attraction on my part, never has been (sorry male friend). He is simply a very interesting person and has had a lot happen in the past few years and I'd like to catch up with him.
And I think that being married and the mother of 17 month old twins erradicates any potential for hidden agendas, real or imagined, from anyones mind.
My point is, nothing to hide here, nothing going on.

Perhaps this feeling stems from my husbands belief that men and women can't really be friends. He thinks that men generally don't bother being friends with a woman unless they want more. I like to think that is totally exaggerated, but I can see his point.

In any case, I was just surprised at my own reaction. Maybe this is a good thing. I feel like I am being protective.

Any thoughts?


Alyson said...

If your being protective of your marriage how can you go wrong, but I do see your dilema. If you are changing your mind about something, are you betraying your old self? Or is it "He" cannot possibly be right about this too, especially when I was so adimit about my position before?

Peace Sweet Peas said...

As my own beloved husband is currently out of town he left me with an admonishment to not invite over his friend who was offering to help out while beloved was away. Now said friend and I get along quite well and are both interested in cooking, gardening, reading but I've always been very careful to keep my distance since the subject has come up before. Apparently said friend hit on beloved's first wife. On this occasion I mostly wanted to say something snarky about ex-wife, I wasn't miffed at beloved at all. I already knew there was no way I was inviting said friend over while beloved was away. Is this because men and women can't be friends? Maybe. I don't think I can be friends with a man - this one or any other. If you were friends first do you always worry about your husband leaving you for another friend?

Two Mittens said...

It sounds like 'said friend' isn't really a very good friend at all - Ditch him! ha