My Scale is Playing Mind Games

I think I have a reasonably healthly body image. Frankly I don't have the energy emotionally or spiritually for self loathing.

I'm not entirely happy with my body, and I definitely have good days and bad days. The ups and downs of getting pregnant and having twins has been a roller coaster, for sure. At the moment I'd sure like to be less lumpy with toned abs... toned everything, but I also feel like I will get back into better shape in time. And while I still have a few extra pound I'd like to get rid of, I feel it's managable.
I'm glad I have a healthy outlook, because being married to someone who often trains avidly for cycling could be a nightmare! Cyclists sit around like old women discussing their weight in terms of who has a fat a** and who is currently shaving off just a few more pounds to be extra rail thin.

We have a scale in our bathroom, and I've been in the habit of weighing myself on a somewhat regular basis. Not a compulsion, but after ballooning up when pregnant and the constant monitoring, it was nice to watch the numbers decline as well. After dropping the majority of my baby weight shortly after childbirth, the remaining weight has generally been hovering around the same 5lb range. Until the other day...when my weight suddenly dropped about 15lbs. Amazing!!

Ok, I didn't really think it was accurate, our batteries must be dying, but the effect was powerful nonetheless. I FELT lighter! I felt more confident, more sexy and more in control. I can eat what I want, not exercise and still lose 15lbs! I was surprised by what a difference it made. I knew it wasn't right, but it seemed like I did look thinner. How crazy is that?!!

Sadly later that same day I was back to my regular weight. Or is it my regular weight?? What is real and what is imagined now?? Is it somewhere in between? Only my scale knows for sure, and apparently he's not telling.

Question Of the Day

Can married people have friends of the opposite sex?

A few weeks ago an old (male) friend of mine moved back to the city. We stay in touch sporadically through email, but I haven't seen him for a couple of years. He suggested we get together for coffee. Simple enough.
The strange thing is, I felt like I should ask permission from Charming Husband. It was an odd feeling. And entirely my own. CH does not require me to screen my activities through him in any way.
As a single person I would have been appalled at myself. Of course you can have male friends, especially old ones that predate your current relationship. There is no secret crush or longing or even any physical attraction on my part, never has been (sorry male friend). He is simply a very interesting person and has had a lot happen in the past few years and I'd like to catch up with him.
And I think that being married and the mother of 17 month old twins erradicates any potential for hidden agendas, real or imagined, from anyones mind.
My point is, nothing to hide here, nothing going on.

Perhaps this feeling stems from my husbands belief that men and women can't really be friends. He thinks that men generally don't bother being friends with a woman unless they want more. I like to think that is totally exaggerated, but I can see his point.

In any case, I was just surprised at my own reaction. Maybe this is a good thing. I feel like I am being protective.

Any thoughts?

Our First Fort

Just when I think I am going to seriously call the gypsies for real this time, or change my name and move to Florida, they do something adorable and we're all love&cuteness again for a while.

One of the things the boys are into recently, literally, is little spaces. They love to use their newfound skill of opening the pantry doors or the hall closet and hide inside (yes they are coming out of the closet - hahah).
Unfortunately, folding doors and twin brothers are bad for little fingers, so we've been trying to discourage them. The Bug especially resents this and screamed angrily at me when I tried to extricate him from his secret hideaway.

As a compromise/distraction I pulled out one of the boxes we have stored away (we have to move eventually) and covered it with a sheet and voila! instant fort!

*kodak/broken nikon moment*
The two of them crawled in and sat side by side looking delighted. Two peas in a pod. Or box. Content at least for a few minutes to crawl in and out and entertain themselves/each other. And I felt proud in a strange way that I had accomplished something.

I can't wait to show them the Tickle Trunk!

Jr. High Band Drop Out

I have always been an artsy fartsy kind of person. As a kid I loved nothing better than to draw and color. In school I took art and drama and was always enrolled in varied dance classes like tap and jazz. (Never ballet though...yawn!)

Unfortunately, music was not my area to shine. My mother tried, but to no avail. I hated piano lessons and suffered through them until I could quit. I took band in grade 6 and played the saxaphone which I hated. I only played it because we had an old one my uncle used to play. I don't even know how I managed to pass that class as I never (NEVER) practised because my saxaphone was too heavy to carry home and too awkward to put on my bike. I even somehow managed to fake my way through a parade. Like not playing any real notes because I didn't know any of the music. Painful, yet a fine testament to my great acting skills! Well, I probably wasn't kidding anybody.
What I really wanted to play was the drums.

Lately I have been looking for a class to take. To remind my brain how to connect the dots again and function beyond changing poop and chasing toddlers. I have looked at painting and pottery and belly dancing and all the continuing ED classes. All the things that I like, but nothing has really caught my attention. Until I happened to scan the music section.
I swear my heart did I little leap of joy when I saw:

West African Drumming:
Introduction to the Djembe

How absolutely delicious!

Birdwalk

OK, I still have no camera so I have to resort to posting old photos. And don't worry, I have a million of 'em!
And really they're not that old and you haven't seen them, so just pretend we went to the Bird Sanctuary the other day and not a few weeks ago.

I am seriously considering purchasing this camera. Even though I have this one, which I love when it's not in the shop, I've always wanted a smaller point and shoot for just keeping handy. It's much easier to carry around in a pocket or purse. But I think still pretty good quality. And it might keep me going until my first love returns.

Completely unrelated...I am loving this song right now. Rock it KT! I share the love.

We interrupt this program...

It seems that the topic of marriage is everywhere these days. Gay marriage, Hollywood marriage and scandal, 2nd and 3rd marriages, divorce, and on and on. Luckily the value and significance of marriage has also been a recurring topic.
I recently learned that a lovely friend of mine is getting divorced after only 2 years of marriage, although they have been together all throughout their 20's and now heading into their 30's. Basically their entire adult lives. I wholeheartedly support my friend in her quest for happiness and feel true sadness for their loss.

For some reason I can't get this out of my head.

I will be the first person to admit that marriage takes a lot of work. More work than I ever imagined actually. Charming Husband and I have a lot of differences to begin with and throwing two babies into the mix certainly hasn't made life less challenging.
And I applaud anyone who finds love and commits to marriage at any age. I wish them only success.
In my case however, I am so happy that I was a little older when I got married. I suppose it really is only circumstance that I only met my CH and fell in love in my late 20's and then married a few years later.

I am just relieved that I had a chance to be on my own, and be young and naive and stupid and outrages at times. I got to make mistakes and learn from them and be sorry and live with my choices and be independent.
It's not that I'm all brilliant and perfect now, it's just that I never question my decision to get married. On the day we got married I had never been so sure of anything in my life. Today, I feel even more so.

It has felt like a struggle at times over the past 17 months and 11days, but if anything I am only more determined. My marriage has value and significance and purpose.

Whew, I am going to make sure I read this over the next time I'm all crankypants at CH!
I appologize for the sudden outburt of emo. I just had to get it out.

That is all.

Now back to your regular programming!

All the Girls are Wearing It

I saw a young woman (only slightly younger than my young self) wearing a cute skirt on Sunday and she told me it was Joe. Apparently it's all the rage to pronounce proudly 'I wear Joe!'

Who knew??

And I though, must get self to Superstore.
I'm as suprised as you are.

p.s. scroll down link page to find link to actual clothing site

A Bug and a Bee and a Bike

Ok, it's really a trike and around here we like to push our bikes instead of ride them.


Check out this super fun site. I think it started as a book and grew from there.

Mike and the Bike

Maillot Jaune

We scoffed and we jeered, but finally we cheered.

All hail the new king Flandis!!

Summertime

In honour of the Family SweetPeas moving away to the Great White North, we invited them over for a farewell bbq. We don't do much entertaining here due mostly to circumstances like our entire dining room is taken over with baby dressers and toys and such, and no dining room table so this called for drastic action. We got our first kiddie pool for the backyard, we hauled our kitchen table out of the garage, we shopped and chopped and made ice cubes. I felt very Martha. A tired, disorganized Martha who buys her potatoe salad at the store, but ready for a party all the same!

The PrincessPeas were adorable as always and everyone looked dashing in their poolside attire. We laughed, we splashed, we got food in the pool and chased kids around the yard in wagons and on trikes. Charming Husband flipped fabulous burgers, and we ate ourselves silly. What mothers heart doesn't feel joy at her two baby faces covered with their first ice-cream cones and cheeks stuffed with watermelon?? (insert photo of mushy drippy happy faces here)

Eventually the mosquitos came out and little heads headed for their beds. We are now people who 'wrap it up' at 6:30pm when other parties are just getting started.

'Peace Out' family SweetPeas, and much love from all 4Mittens.

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

'Good' news: it's not the battery. 'Good' being a very relative term here.
Bad news: it's my camera. The guys at the shop say it's a 'known' problem. Well then I say they fix that problem even though my warranty was up a couple of months back!
Super Bad:Estimated time to repair. 4 TO 6 WEEKS! That's practically a lifetime. Especially since I have volunteered to shoot a wedding in about 3 weeks.
Sucks Royally.

You Get the Picture

The reason I was trying to take a picture the other day, was that Charming Husband brought home a big bouquet of yellow daisies and one of blue and I wanted to show you. I was having a crappy day, and he was trying to cheer me up.

I told you he was charming.

p.s. not original photos, but you get the idea

AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

So, yesterday I went to take a picture AND I COULDN'T!! My camera DIDN'T WORK!! A feeling of panic came over me.

My Nikon D70 and I have been great friends for a couple of years now. After several years working with my old Minolta and an even older Nikon I didn't know if I'd be onboard with this digital business. As it turns out, I LOVE IT. I love the control I can have over the final image. I love how it is all so instant. I still need to learn how to use my camera more effectively, and have even more control over the initial image, but I've thoroughly enjoyed it.

I have files on my computer for every month since my babies were born. I knew I wasn't likely to have the time/brain power to write everything down, but I made sure to take photos all along the way. A visual journal.

I guess I hadn't really appreciated what an impact photography has in my day to day life, and what a joy it really is to me.

With any luck, it is just the battery pack that has wreaked this havoc upon my life, and I just have to fork out the $75 to replace it. Wish me luck.

While you were peeing...

Things my kids like to do when I am in the bathroom. They are fast people.

1. Learn to open the pantry door and help themselves to muffins...eating some and sitting on the rest.
2. Learn to open the closet door and take out all of mommies shoes. Try on my knee high rubber boots.
3. Call their girlfriends and bookies on daddies cell phone.
4. Push open our broken bedroom door (old house/crappy doorknob broke) and eat my bonniebell lipsmacker/loose change from the change bucket. I don't want to see where that change comes out.
   
5. Climb on top of the cedar chest and dance with wild abandon (they are not allowed to climb on top of the chest, OR dance wilding with abandon at this age).
6. Help themselves to the fruit bowl, chewing through the banana peels and leaving little chew marks in all the apples.
7. Play with the garage door opener which will open and close the garage door from inside the house even though you have to push the button 14 times when you are standing in front of the door or in the car. We will not know the door is open until the elderly gentleman next door asks us if we know our garage door is open.
8. Stand at the window and cat-cawl the lawn boy.
9. Toss all the clothes out of their dresser drawers and laugh maniacally.
   
10. Stand at the screen door and proudly show off their belly buttons to the new lady mail carrier.
    

And don't even ask me what they are doing as I type this...

Dear Auntie J
Thanks for coming to visit this weekend. We had so much fun at the Stampede breakfast and at the waterpark. We love how you always take time to play with us and we have so much fun. We're sorry you got soaking wet (teehee) a few times.
We're sorry you never get much sleep when you visit, but we hope to see you again real soon!

much love
the Bug and the Bee
xoxo

17 months

Wow, Friday the boys were 17 months old. The last month seemed to fly by. And what fun we've had.

My little Bee has a flair for the dramatic. Lately he has been trying to communcate with pointing his little finger and shrieking for things. He will come over with a slipper or a shoe and shriek at you until you put it on.

It may be just one slipper.

His favorite are bright red fire trucks. But he also likes runners. Maybe one, or two unmatched. He also likes to wear things (as was shown with the Halloween costumes). He loves to wear daddy's shirts, any hat, or carry bags and backpacks around. He will point and screach at something until you figure out what he's after.

He has also become quite aware of his surroundings lately. Whenever he hears a helicopter or airplane or even a lawn mower, he will look around and point as he is searching to find where the noise is coming from. He sees things that I don't notice.
It's great fun to see him interacting with the world.
The little Bee and I have our differences at times, especially with the screaminess of Mr. Screamerson, and the lack of sleep he often requires, but he is a happy fun boy, who loves to play.

My little Bug is also a busy boy. He is not as interested in communication at this point, but he is focused and exploring as much as possible. He is a maniac on the playground. Somewhat fearless, he climbs and crawls over and under (I feel the fear he does not). He goes down the slide all by himself and is even happier if he can climb back up it again. He has always been a 'climber' and is quite good. A little too good.
When something gets his attention, he will not be deterred and he likes nothing better than to be off on an adventure. Just don't get in his way or you will hear about it!

The boys seem to be enjoying each other a lot too. They still fight over toys at times. I'm sure that isn't going to change anytime soon, but they also play together and make each other laugh. Sometimes it's the smallest thing that gets them each laughing and giggling so hard they can barely stand it. Of course you can't help but laugh yourself, if if they are getting themselves into trouble. I'm sure they will soon learn to use that to their advantage!

The boys got tricyles for the summer (thanks Daddy!). They aren't quite big enough to ride them, but they push them around with their usual flair, and turn them over and 'work on them' like they see their dad working on his bikes.

All in all we're enjoying our long sunny days with fun at the parks, exploring the outdoors, playing in water and eating ice cream every chance we get!

A Bug and a Bee and a SweetPea

The boys hanging with their best girl friend.

The Right Philosophy

My fabulous friend was recently in town on her way back from Italy where she studied to become a Montessori teacher. I was curious about the 'Montessori Way' and was happy to hear some of the philosophies they use to teach and view the young world of education. I still have some research to do, but I did get some interesting information from another friend, The Internet.

I found this to be pertinent:

"...if we are restrained from exploring our world either physically or intellectually, we tend to become bored, even depressed."

Amen!

Another fundamental philosophy, even for the very young is to let them participate in daily chores and tasks to develop independence and self esteem:

"This independence in the child is not to help make life easier for the adult. In fact, at least initially, helping children to establish independence requires a great deal of effort and thought on the adults’ part. Montessori encourages us to go to this trouble for children so that they will experience the confidence that comes from not having to wait for someone else to do what is needed. It is not to help adults, then, that we help children to become independent in daily acts; it is to help children."

I think I have found an answer to my earlier quandry from my previous post The Magic House!

(My only question,who is going to be cleaning all those bathrooms??)

It's for the children.

The Man With the Dancing Eyes

"The sweet peas continued
to arrive morning, noon
and night. Pierre loved,
loved, loved sweet peas,
and for the rest of her life
their scent become synonymous
with the pursuit of love.

The man with the dancing
eyes sketched her sleeping.
Then kissed her eyes till she
woke, whispering fervent
promises that skittered into her
half-awake ears like a dream."

Sophie Dahl
The Man With Dancing Eyes

Many many thanks to PeaceSweetPeas for the book, and for knowing me so well!

Ulli, Ulli, Ulli

Dear Jan Ullrich*

I am sad to see that you did not make it into the tour this year. I want you to know that I am still on your side, no matter what. I know it is just a matter of time until you are back in your place as #1 at the Tour de France.

Your friend,
and biggest Fan
Geoff

* FYI - Jan of the German Jan's is more Yahn and less Jan.



With sincere appreciation Geoff, your shirts rock!

more TDF

Finally, tomorrow is the first mountian stage. Hopefully some real action! A little more this and a little less this.

Being Verbose

Shout-out to my home Grrl over at Verbosity. Also new on the linky links.

Wrangler Butts

I am not a cowboy lover. I do not care for rodeos, wranglers, or country music. The Calgary Stampede is like a gritty wave of free pancakes and bbq on a bun, loud country music and straw everwhere you go. Not that it can't be fun. Working downtown is the best, because the bad food is everywhere, you can really get away with doing even less than usual at most jobs and no one cares. Best of all is the 'western wear'. Anything with denim, studs, gingham, lace, spandex or a big buckle classifies as 'western wear'. It's really more than you can imagine unless you can see it, smell it, breath it in person. It's all kinds of drunk and hung over tied up in one tacky package. Again, not that that can't be 'fun'.
I just have to say that Charming Husband left the house today to attend the Stampede with coworkers and clients. He was all dressed up in his cowboy duds. Boots, hat, big buckle and all.
And damn.
He is one fine looking cowboy.

YIHAW!

Tour de Fiasco?

July is always eagerly aniticipated at our house. Sure there is the final arrival of summer with great weather, the birthdays, this for those you enjoy the crowds, rodeos, general drunkeness and people watching...but the real joy of July is this.
Charming Husband is a cyclist and his love for the sport is contagious, especially when it comes to this event. Friends and even extended family have become fans. Once you get past the crazy spandex and learn a little about the riders/teams/tactics, it's great fun.
For most of July, our day begins and ends with the stages of the Tour. We often celebrate with a little of this and some of this and just a bit (or jars) of this. When we are really lucky my sister makes this (gateau basque) YUM.
Vive le France!

After spending the past 5 years watching the drama of Lance unfold, I was prepared for a bit of a letdown this year. At the same time it would be exciting to see what would come next. Would a former rival finally win the tour, or a new champion? Sadly, I never expected this.

And yes the Tour has gone ahead anyway. It's probably a dream come true for some of the other riders eager for a chance to shine. The problem is, I can't seem to get into it. For a sporting event known for its drama, there is none. At least not in the race itself. At least not yet. I have not found anyone to get excited about. To cheer. To hope for. And there is still time. A lot can happen in the mountain stages yet to come. I am still cautiously optimistic....sigh....

The most I can say is that I am slightly warming up to this rider, although he's not likely to win overall. And after all the work he has done for Lance, this man deserves a good shot. We shall see.

Canada Day long weekend

We spent the long weekend at my parents place near Golden, BC. We got to enjoy the fantastic views, the Kicking Horse River, and stay in a fabulous chalet.
We played in the river, visited with family and friends, went for dinner and a gondola ride with just grown- ups, and the Charming Husband and I even went for a little mountain bike ride. We all enjoyed ourselves.
After spending most of my days mainly alone with the kidlets, it's such a treat to have them entertained and adored by family. Sure, it would even be great to have them entertained for a while by strangers or wild monkeys, but family is even better!



On a special note today, Happiest Birthday Wishes to my sister, our favorite crazy Auntie J! You're the bestest ever.

Friendlier with Pooh?

Well, it finally happened. I've heard about it and I know it has happened to other people. I knew it was just a matter of time before it happened to us.
After an unusually hellish night, the twins waking alternately to scream every hour or so, the light of dawn was creeping through the window. The delusions of getting any sort of sleep had disappeared with the darkness. Charming Husband was the lucky one to open the bedroom door and discover PoohFest '06.

GROOOOOOSSSS!!!

The diaper was off, the floor was peed on, and the poo was everywhere. By everywhere, I mean bed, blankets, wall, floor, hands, and face. CH feared that Bug had actually eaten some of it. GROOOOOOOSSS!!
The only stroke of luck was that it was only one baby and not two. I'm still not sure how we managed to escape that fate. Although only time will tell if we have in fact, escaped it.

Cleaning and sanitizing and bleaching and scrubbing ensued. Eventually all was returned to sparkly clean and fresh, except for the horror that may never be cleansed from our memories.

I can't help but think that this is a story my mother-in-law will appreciate most, as she has similar stories involving her own Charming Son. Call it Karma, or the Circle of Life, or simply the 'Mother's Curse...Just Wait Until You Have Your Own Kids'. It seems to be more than an idle threat. There is fear in my heart.