Thursday, May 05, 2011

Motherhood Series - Ila

I think Ila may be the most glamorous mom I know. She's stylish. She wears high heels and lipstick almost every day - although not usually at the playground ;)
She is a career woman. She has run marathons. She loves to bake, and entertain and throw parties. She has her entire family over for Thanksgiving. She's a hugger. She's a ton of fun and has a wonderfully generous heart.
And if you're ever invited to her son's birthday party (or any other party she's hosting), go I tell ya! You'll make new friends and the food will be will be a blast.
And it has worked out fantastically well that our sons are the same age!

1. Tell us about yourself!
I really still think of myself as 30-something, but in fact, I’m 43. Most days, I don’t feel 43…. and some days I feel much older. I’ve been with Rory for 21 years and we just celebrated our 16 year wedding anniversary. We have one son, Rohan who will be six soon. I’m a recruitment consultant and have been in this industry for a long time. It’s time for me to have some new adventures and I think this is the year…

2. What were your expectations of motherhood before you had kids? (ie. Did you think you'd have a whole houseful of kids? Did you see yourself as a mother at all? Did you wonder if it would ever happen?)

Experiences in my early 20’s affected me; so I built a story for myself that I didn’t deserve to be a mom and for much of my adult life, that was the deal. I wasn’t having children; I didn’t deserve to be a mom because I had given up that right. This all came to a head for me and in our marriage. We had to work thru this. Rory thought I had been joking when all along, I was serious as hell. We worked thru it together and I realized that this story I had created for myself, didn’t have to be my story. I had to stop punishing myself and let go. I think the story was also a bit of self protection, in that I never ever wanted to go thru that kind of heartache again. This story protected me from that. By then I was in my late 30’s and getting pregnant wasn’t so easy. We tried for two years and every month, my excitement would build, only to see the negative response on the stupid pee stick. Almost two years later, almost to the point of resignation, we conceived our little munchkin.

3. What has been(was) your biggest surprise about Motherhood? (different than you expected? or wish someone had told you?)

My sisters started their families when they were both 18, so I had been around their kids my entire life. What I didn’t realize was that moms are never really “off duty.” This is a 24/7/365 gig that is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. My highs are high and my lows are low. I had no idea that this one little person could affect my life so extremely. I have feelings and emotions that come out of nowhere …. the pride I feel when someone compliments Rohan’s manners and the shame I feel when I’ve yelled at him unnecessarily.

4. Biggest joy?
In the wee hours just this morning, he crawled into bed with us. His skin soft and warm. His little legs tangle with mine, his arm reaches across my neck in a snuggle and he says “I love you Mommy.”

5. Best wish for your children?
To love, care and respect others and for himself. To have a life of adventure, to have the courage to try and to be ok with what doesn’t turn out as he expected. And maybe when we’re old and grey, that he’ll still call once in a while J

6. How do you find time for yourself/what do you do?
My secret wish is to have a few days all to myself, with nothing but time to do what I want to do….and probably by the end of the first day, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself and I’d miss my boys desperately. For the time being, hot yoga is my thing. I sneak away in the morning and enjoy the intense heat and sweat, challenging my body and best of all, the stillness I sometimes achieve in my mind. Someday I’ll run distance again, maybe even with Rohan at my side.

7. What do you wish you had more of? Less of?
More of? A little more time to be silly and do the fun things we used to do when I wasn’t working full time. Less of? Laundry. For sure. Gosh, does it never end??? I’d also like less of the stress that I put on myself, trying to be the “perfect mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend.” The pressure is sometimes so extreme and I know that I put it all on myself; this isn’t an expectation of anyone, it’s all what I put on myself.

8. What do you hope your kids learn from you?

Love of family and friends, to celebrate and have parties just because it’s fun, to be spontaneous and silly, really, just to live life ~ and enjoy the adventure and to leave this earth in better shape than they found it.

9. What are some of the best things you learned from your own mother?
I learned to feed the masses; to give and give because there is abundance and God will always take care of us.

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