It pains me that I am not more eloquent. It pains me even further that the things closest to my heart are the things I have the most difficulty talking about.
A few weeks back I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine and she asked me why I go to church. It caught me off guard a bit, as we don't spend a lot of time talking about religion, and I stumbled around with my words saying something about being happier when I go than when I don't. Which is true. But hardly an insightful answer. It got me thinking.
I grew up going to church but it is not merely a habit. I have friends and aquaintences there, but that is not why I go. A sense of community is important, but not why I go. I figure it goes something like this.
Everyone has a soul garden. We all choose to awknowedge or tend to it in a way we feel fit. I recognise that spirituality and religion aren't always the same thing. You can be a wonderfully spiritual and moral person without ever going to church. Or you can be judgemental and unloving while attending services every week.
For me it's about tending to my soul garden. Ideally you have the opportunity throughout the week for spiritual insight and growth, but I like knowing that I can go somewhere to focus on that.
I took a 'break' for several years in my 20's trying to figure out what, if anything, going to church meant to me. When I finally stepped foot inside a church again, I felt the most overwhelming feeling of love and connection, without knowing a person there. It makes sense to me. It reaches my core.
I love the feeling of going to church and renewing my perspective. If I'm not having a good week I get to start over with a fresh outlook. I get to feel love for and fully appreciate my family, whether they are with me or not. I get the chance to be a better me, over and over again.
I also embrace one day a week when I don't concern myself with shopping malls, or running errands, or paying bills. A day of rest. Or at least a couple of hours. A welcome reprieve. Taking a spiritual breath.
I hope I am a better person for it. I believe that I am.
That is why I go to church.