'Letting' Go

I actually have many things to post, but this one has been brewing for a while so I might as well be out with it.
And it kind of goes with yesterday's post and Mrs. M's most recent post...
On 'Letting Yourself Go'.

Now no one likes ugly sweatpants or the same hairdo since high school. BUT.
I have a big problem with the idea that I have 'let' myself go in any way, shape, or form. Like I wouldn't rather look good and rested and actually be rested and rational at any given moment. And be cute in stylish clothes with clean well-behaved children at my side.
We could all go shopping together and buy new outfits instead of trying to sneak a few minutes here and there or try to pick something up at the grocery store without trying it on or try to go to a mall with them only to fight with them every step.
I would much rather be paying to get my hair done on a regular basis rather than paying for diapers.
I would love to have the energy to bounce out of bed at the crack of dawn and exercise/shower/blow dry and curl my hair before I wake my husband with the smell of fresh brewed coffee and french toast for the family.
BUT I DO NOT.

I adore my children. I'm lucky to stay home with them. But it's harder than anything I ever imagined.
Some woman are much better than I am and do much better than I do. And I constantly aspire to do more/do better. I have not given up. But thanks for asking.

And I do think it will get easier as time passes. That's how I cope.

But let me assure you.
I 'let' nothing go. I feel like it was ripped out from under my feet and I fight to get 'myself' back every day.

That is all.